“I date to marry.”

When dating with intention goes right

Shannon Vaughn
2 min readMay 4


Photo by Eleonora Kalinina

One Saturday afternoon, myself and a group of women family members convened for lunch. My family is pretty small and busy, so this luncheon was one of many we vowed to have every so often to stay close. After our greetings and being seated I noticed the cousin I was closest to hadn’t arrived yet. Later I discovered it was for good reason.

She arrived as we were all settled and browsing the menu. We were casually dressed, but she caught our attention with her dressy skirt, heels, and overcoat.

As she removed her coat and sat next to me I complimented her on how pretty she looked. Her running behind was due to her being with a guy she had been dating and how they were discussing some “plans.”

Then she showed her ring.

Shocked, surprised, yet happy I congratulated her on the engagement.

“Wow!” I said. “And you two haven’t been dating long.”

“Well we’ve known each other for a very long time. We were in the same nursery together,” she chuckled.

Then she dropped a line on me I’d never heard.

“I date to marry.”

Date to marry. I repeated over in my mind. Date. To. Marry. I repeated it again.


We hear people say what they’re looking for in a mate, but it is extremely rare to hear people say what they’re intentions are. Few people are that honest. Many don’t know. Some don’t care. Sadly, a lot of people have none.

Having been unsuccessfully married previously may have played a role or maybe not. Not every woman is okay being a long term girlfriend or a “something to do”. There are some women who are divorced, willing to get back out there but will only entertain serious suitors. If there is no one available, these women are prone to be single for years. And for them, that is just fine because they refuse to settle.

She dated with the intention and expectation to marry and didn’t waver.

So often as humans we make amends, or scale back on what we want to keep people around. Some of us have an acute fear of people walking away when we have standards. Funny thing is, those are the main people who need to walk away!

The following year we were all at her wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony and reception featuring a beautiful couple. That day was the happiest I’d seen her in a long time.

And that is what dating with intention can get you.



Shannon Vaughn

I’ll think of a bio later. Tik Tok: hereisshannon hereisshannon@gmail.com