He said what???

The things men say, the things women tolerate

Shannon Vaughn
2 min readApr 26


Photo by Dellon Thomas via Pexels

In a world of good man bad man, we may have things miscontrued. A good man does this and that, a bad man doesn't do this and that. Overall, good people do some not so good things and bad people do some good things. So maybe good vs bad isn’t the best metric to use when categorizing men.

Perhaps a more realistic approach, per life and relationship coach Tony Gaskins, is that men are one of the two; real man or grown boy.

According to Mr. Gaskins in short, a real man moves with the intent of commitment, to lead, to love, etc. A grown boy moves in the manner of manipulation, deceit, inconsistency, selfishness, immaturity, etc.

Of course the two can overlap, as humans we are not all things all the time. But we are what we consistently do. Unfortunately, women tend to overlook this aspect and suffer for it.

Here’s an example of how easy it is to mistake a grown boy for a real man:

Over a conversation with a male associate, he began speaking about his current girlfriend. I knew they had been together for some time and most likely wouldn’t marry. My assumptions were correct when he said this:

I told her when we first got together, if I don’t marry her after four years, I’m probably not.

Up until this point, I thought he erred on the side of a real man on some grown man sh*t, by working and accepting her grandchild as his own. After this statement, then remembering that he’d moved in with her, I realized he wasn’t the real man previously thought.

It’s a pretty crap thing for a man to say in the beginnings of a relationship. Yet worse for a woman to be of a mindset to accept those words coming out his mouth.

In the end

Ladies, never accept a man telling you of his plans to never fully commit, in hopes things will change. They almost never do.

Gents take heed, working, providing, and taking someone else’s child in as your own don’t make you a real man. All of these things can easily be done under the guise of wanting a roof over your head and cooked meals on the table.

Intent is everything.

Currently they’re eight years and counting with no marriage plans in sight.



Shannon Vaughn

I’ll think of a bio later. Tik Tok: hereisshannon hereisshannon@gmail.com